There are many things about myself that I dislike. Some are fixable whereas others are not. Yet, the one thing that I hate the most (aside from my nose) is the fact that I seem to be an incurable pansy.
For as long as I can remember, I have been scared of EVERYTHING. Spiders, dogs, strangers, shadows... The list could go on and on. I was even afraid to talk to anyone outside my immediate circle. My mother never pushed me to get over any of this. Which I was greatful for at the time but, now I wonder if that would have made a difference in me today. As an adult, I am still painfully introverted. I can talk to my friends and immediate family for hours. In fact, I think they wish I was a bit quieter. But, put me with someone I don't know, or worse yet, in a group of strangers, and I freeze. Bring on the queasiness, sweaty palms, shakiness. It's crazy. Even after knowing my husband's family for over five years, I still am self-conscious around them. I also find that I limit myself because I am just to scared to go out and fail.
So, I have decided that I do not want to be a victim of my fears anymore. I am slowly finding ways to come out of my shell. I joined a family exercise class with my friend's daughters. Do I feel like a fool every Thursday when I make mistakes in the dance steps? Absolutely. Is it getting easier every week? Yes! Last week, no sweaty palms or nervous habits. I even exchanged a few words with one of the other ladies. The way I look at it, this class is a stair step to the adult Zumba class that I so badly want to take. I've set a goal that by April, I will have joined that class. And, I think I can do it too!
Maybe, by putting myself in these situations over and over again, I will slowly climb out of myself and start enjoying the world a little more. I may never be that sparkling and witty conversationalist that everyone loves bur, maybe, just maybe, I will gain a little of that confidence I am sorely lacking.
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